Want to ignore everything

Is it because i don’t have vision?  i have the target to go ahead?

I thought i love piano, but i don’t think i have the ability and confidence to handle it well like my current job. I thought i love bible, but i seldom read bible.

Is it because God want me to know all happens are not from myself but just Him?

I do think i don’t have enough passion and ability to serve Him, but i want to see if i can experience His power on me.

Reality is cruel.  once i and panda give up our jobs, we really don’t know if we can find another even as good as before.  all we can do is to see how God leads us.